Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
