Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
