And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
