when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
