we're blogging at a bar
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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