Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
