Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
