Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
