just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
