Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
