My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
