sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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