Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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