New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
