I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
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