i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
