My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
