So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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