he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
