It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize