i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize