sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
