It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
