I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
