So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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