i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Alive.
So much puke
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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