Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
