so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize