Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
