is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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