Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize