Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
