your room smells of hookers.
And success
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
