I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
