I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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