P.S. I can't hear my feet
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
