Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize