is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
