I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
