I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
did i just pee glitter
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
