ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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