I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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