I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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