I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
