It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
