ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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