you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
