he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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