is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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