My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
