I must be too annoying 4 u.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize