i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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