More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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