did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
