New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
