Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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