The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
