Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
