This beer is not sobering me up at all
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
