Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
