They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
