Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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