I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
