tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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