im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Is it penis luge time yet?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
